rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
