it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You ate ashes out of my bong
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
