I'm really into asian looking animals
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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