my vag is so smooth its legendary
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
