Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
