carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
