When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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