I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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