i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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