When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were trust falling into bushes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
