That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
