Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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