im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
