you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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