if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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