Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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