I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The Olympian is in my bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
