there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
