dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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