One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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