i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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