i just had sex bonerless
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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