I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
