My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
People in love make me want to vomit
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
