I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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