the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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