Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
