Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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