Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
