You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
