I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
