dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
