I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
