went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
