I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
