Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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