I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
