This is not my ceiling
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
