Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
