I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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