She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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