I bet he comes in French.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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