Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
