I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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