Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
