fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
