he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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