I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
