I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we should paint friendship bongs
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
