so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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