I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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