dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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