Who wears a wallet chain?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
