I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I touched a dick in church today
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
