Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
