Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
