I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
