So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
FUCK WHALES
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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