tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
