They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
