so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
