can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
