nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
