Joe is yelling at the trees again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
