I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
