The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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