she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
