FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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