Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
