woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
