Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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