Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just found a bag of teeth...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
