Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I enjoy the company of your penis
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
