I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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