I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
