Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
