xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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