i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
