It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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