the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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