I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
