Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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