Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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