threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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