i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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