My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
