Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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