I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
