You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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