I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
