We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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