You really coming over, don't trick.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
