don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
